Before today I have never known 'grief'. Before today, 'grief' was but a term my grandmother uses, as she rolls her eyes, in response to my dramatics- "oh good grief caroline, get over yourself." I never knew what it was like to truly grieve until today when I attended a funeral for my 19 year-old cousin Scott who recently lost his three year battle with cancer. Scott was an outstanding athlete, a brilliant sports enthusiast, and a relentless fighter. His courage was strong enough to conquer the world, something I'm sure he would have succeeded in doing. Whether Scott was making light of his misfortune with cancer or laughing at his own ability to make fart noises under his armpits, Scott loved to laugh, often. As I gazed over the photographs of the carefree, giggling, sweet little boy I always knew, I began to grieve. As I started to cry harder than I thought possible, I could hear him giggling. I didn't know whether he was up there laughing at the sight of my streaming mascara, at the photograph of him as a baby beaming at the camera wearing nothing but bubble bath suds, or still laughing in satisfaction at the miraculous defeat of the New England Patriots by his beloved New York Jets, but I immediately recognized his laugh.
Tomorrow I will embark on an adventure across the country with my best friend, Jenna. We will begin our journey in Fairfax, Virginia, and be visiting Auburn, Alabama, New Orleans, Austin, Phoenix, and eventually conclude our trip in Los Angeles. Upon my arrival in Los Angeles, I will attempt to live out a dream that I've had since I was a little girl, to be on Saturday Night Live, and I am dedicating my adventure to Scott. Scott is the epitome of a hero, and he will forever inspire me to live strong, in his honor. I vow to celebrate a life that cancer took from my little cousin, to embrace a challenge, to vigorously chase after my dreams, but more than anything, I vow to keep scott giggling, no, to keep him howling laughing.
This blog will be a series of letters to my sweet little cousin, Scott.
God damn liney lou, way to make me cry all over again hahaha. This is so amazing I wish I could be with u. I don't watch Saturday night live but I will read ur blogs and when u get to cali ill start watching so I don't miss u being on the show. Strive for the best cuz u r the best liney. I know for a fact ull be on that show u got it in u girl! I love u with all my heart and miss u bunches!! <3holly
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